A Country Girls Guild To A Modern Day Love
I am what would be considered your typical country girl. I grew up in a very small town, rural setting. The nearest city was an actual city, yet a small one only consisting of 102,313 people. My yard was ten acres big, my nearest neighbor one hundred yards away, and on each side of me stood a big red farm. The high school I went to only had about seven hundred students. I am a country girl. Being a country girl I was extremely naive when it came to relationships. However, I learned a lot about them when I came to the city. I learned that what standards to look for, what to watch out for, and that friendship should be at the core of every relationship.
My standards in a man are very clear, and not shallow at all. I believe that a man must posses five traits. He must be chivalrous, kind, caring, humorous, and must have some similar interests than me. My small town raising has caused me to become very old fashioned in the fact that I believe that men should automatically do the little things: open doors, pull out chairs, and over all just be gentlemen to the ladies. This includes overall kindness and respect towards the girl. They also must genuinely care about her wants, her needs and listen when she talks. It is crucial that a man listen when I talk, and respond to what I say. It is also important that we have something to talk about, something in common. Without this, there is no chemistry and a dating relationship cannot form. A sexual attraction also is very helpful and to an extent needed. Without that, it is only a very deep friendship.
Moving to a big city made me realize that there are some men out there who pretend to be amazing, but really are not. These men are shallow and should not be trusted under any circumstance. For example, my suitemate had some people over one night. One of the guys knocked on my door, and of course I opened it. He said “Hey! Wazzup?” My first impression was that he was really nice and kind of cute. However, right after my response and after taking a good look up and down my body he said in all seriousness, “So, do you want to have sex?” I was completely shocked! No one had ever asked me this question. The fact that he was a complete stranger sickened me even more. He judged me on my body; he did not know me for me. It made me realize how cocky and shallow some men can be.
Another thing I have learned from my new urban lifestyle is to always trust your friends’ instincts. Listen to what they have to say. An outside perspective is always a good thing. I went to a club once and started dancing with this really hot guy. We lost each other, but at the end of the night ending up back together dancing. My friends made me leave, and though I did not want to, I listened to them and followed them out of the club. They then proceeded to tell me how they saw him sneaking around where I was all night, looking for an opening to slip in to dance with me. They also saw him talking to other guys and then point at me. I had no idea that any of this was going on. It’s not to say that anything would have happened, but I felt extremely comfortable in the fact that my friends have my back. I know I can trust them.
So far in my fairly sheltered life I have not dated a guy that has not been my friend first. So far it has just always worked out like that. My ex and I are still friends because of that, and not many people can testify to that. I figure that we were friends before we dated, so we will be friends afterwards. It is work, but it is possible. We have had numerous three-hour talks about us; about what went wrong; about what this means for us; about how we can fix it so that it doesn’t happen in the future. It takes a lot to talk to one’s ex about these things. It requires an effort and longing on both sides to keep the friendship. It also requires the break up to not be too messy. All break-ups are to an extent. But it requires maturity on both parts in order to sit down and say, “I still want to be your friend. I’m having this issue with you right now. Can we talk through this?” It is because of this maturity and my ability to forgive that I have been able to hang on to that friendship. I now live life with no regrets.
I was raised to value friendship, and I firmly believe that friendship is important in every relationship. Otherwise, you are just using each other; it is just a hookup. You are only there physically, not emotionally. There must be a balance between friendship and sexual attraction to the person. If one is missing without the other, the relationship is not complete. One must be able to talk to their significant other about their problems, about whatever comes on their mind. Yet, they also must feel physically close to the person. Physical intimacy is important in a relationship because one must be able to share a loving touch with him to let him know that you care.
Whether in the city or in the country, the definition of a friend does not change. A friend is someone who you can laugh with and tell secrets to without fearing repercussions; a friend is someone who supports you almost unconditionally and allows you to be yourself; and a friend is someone with whom you can share your favorite hobbies, pastimes and interests. I firmly believe that your significant other should be your best friend. You should have complete trust in him. You should be able to tell him absolutely anything. Your boyfriend should also accept you for who you completely are. If they try changing you for any reason, that means that they cannot love you for who you are. They do not deserve you. Do not change who you are, be sorry where you came from, or compromise your morals for any guy. If he truly loves you, he will respect you and your decisions. He will also respect your friends. If a guy ever tells you that he does not like you friends, than that is fine. However, if he refuses to hang out with them and is constantly taking you away from them, then a problem may occur. Ladies, do not give up your girlfriends for your boyfriend. Your friends are important; everyone needs them. Once you find them, hang on to them. Relationships hold potential breakups, true friends last forever.
Since I’m a country girl I was raised old fashion and it shows through the things I expect in the potential man. But overall, I’m just looking for a sweetheart who genuinely cares about me, loves me for who I am, and whom I can completely trust.